and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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