Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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