yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
