...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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