Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
