Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
