gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
