There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
