He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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