wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
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