Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
