hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
