Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize