this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
