Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
