Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
