I am puke
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
