Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
