I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sorry my hands just texted you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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