i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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