so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
3pm strippers are depressing
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
