I want to make a zoo with you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
