I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
