So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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