there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
