He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
