So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
