i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize