I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
