this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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