Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
