Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
