how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
