You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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