peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
so much tequila, so little girl.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
