You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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