You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
