No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
