Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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