Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
