My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That accounts for only three of the penises
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
