just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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