rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
