My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
