I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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