matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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