well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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