My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
