we have officially lost it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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