I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
