Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
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he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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