I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
