my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
