my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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