i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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