I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
