6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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