mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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