dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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