It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he was CRYING into my vagina
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
