Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
