I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
soo... how was my night?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
