u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
