Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
