my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
