she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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