i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
