maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
