Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
